pigduck.com

I was going to write this somewhere else but having thought of how it seemed to lead on from “The Voice of God”, I decided to post it here instead.

I have realised on many occasions, I have missed the boat of opportunity. Unlike Peter and John who seized the moment many times, I normally… miss it.

Yesterday, we looked at Act 4:32-5:11. We started off rather flat and I couldn’t quite understand what they were trying to get at. We were grasping at straws at first because we couldn’t see what was going on. First, why all this doom and scary gloom in-between all the displays of supernatural happenings and what was the point of it?

We said it was a dissection of the early 1st Century Church and for me, it was really dry that we looked at how the Church seemed to be mobilising, people giving all they had and all that. On top of that, why did Ananias and Sapphira have to die for what they did? We looked at the human aspect at the beginning. We saw people doing things which is not a bad thing considering people need to follow examples.

I remember many years ago, when I was at university, there was a time when I had opened the Bible to an Ananias and then in that same moment, flipped to another Ananias … all very spontaneous but freaky. I remember telling me chaplain I had no idea what God was trying to say since these two Ananias(es) were very different.

I guess for me, having just had that amazing experience earlier in the week and having heard from God and somehow being brought back into His presence not through my own merit but through His grace, I somehow felt that this passage, even though scary, was somehow Spirit-filled too and displayed the holiness of God.

I guess for me, and I shared this and suddenly in my opinion, the table was alive again … I totally seek glorification, something that God seemingly detests as we can see through Acts 5:1-11… but I can’t suppress what I felt inside.

For me, it was a display of God’s holiness within the Church. Sure the outpouring of supernatural splendor was a sight to behold, it meant that they must have had some of that substance within the Church. To me, it was as if God’s presence was in the Church and because of His holiness, people didn’t care about themselves but looked out for each other without thought of getting anything back in return. It was as if material possessions were not important in the greater scheme of things.

I remember we were discussing how people looked after the poor, a poor slant or perspective in my opinion, and very dry but perhaps it had a more pastoral aspect to it. Still dull, in my opinion.

The Holy Spirit was with them and because of His presence, it meant that people felt like sons rather than slaves. On top of that, the Spirit detested self-glorification which was the case with Ananias and Sapphira. Perhaps, their God-given faith was insufficient and they felt they had to work for it and that meant to get some of the glory… they thought they could deceive the Church by telling the people they had given all they had when actually, they had kept some and were hiding from the rest.

In my opinion, at the beginning, when we were talking about the dry stuff, it really sounded like a cult, this 1st Century Church and that is what could and can happen if we are not Spirit filled. We go through the motions, doing what is right but then going the wrong way at the end.

The point was, they wanted to take away some of God’s glory and we know that is impossible when in God’s presence. But God had none of it but did God have to strike them dead? I thought it was the presence of the Holy Spirit, just like that time when that guy touched the Ark of the Covenant. In that same manner, the Holiness of God although not in a physical tangible object, it was now around and surrounding them. God was and is serious business.

In my opinion, I really liked this passage for what it was. It was like a follow-on for me. I thought of myself having heard the Voice of God and being so confident and knowing without a doubt that it was Him and then reading this passage and seeing Him right there amongst the 1st Century Church. Hearing from God didn’t need me to do anything and being in His presence doesn’t mean you need to do anything. Plus, if you are not wholehearted about it, God might just strike you dead. One has to wonder if that can happen today in this day and age and I would say the ground we had to stand on would need to be truly anointed by God.

It just struck me that perhaps that was the representation that God wanted to portray. The 1st Century Church, or its people, were the New Temple.

It made so much sense to me while reading the passage and I got annoyed when we were talking about how it wasn’t just that the Church was rich but there were probably more poor people around them and it was something like God’s economy or something along those lines – yes, really dry stuff.

For me, like someone had said, it was the outworking of the faith or even of what Jesus Christ had talked about in the Sermon on the Mount and all that and what they were experiencing and seeing was the outpouring of all that.

It wasn’t something they could negotiate. God’s presence is straightforward. If you hide or think you can trick Him, he calls you out. I thought it was strange that Peter knew they had lied. What more that they called them out on it. Because in God’s presence, you cannot lie. That was how strong His presence was. I thought it was amazing. Of course, I wouldn’t want to be caught dead in that presence now that I am living as I am but perhaps when we are, we would rather confess first then let it eat us up. I don’t know.

Some people get so technical but perhaps it is the curiosity of it. They wonder if Ananias and Sapphira were Christians but if you think of it, how many of us have lied and still had faith? Perhaps, they were meant to die to save themselves rather than tread further and we should see that then as a blessing. Plus, they died in the presence of God.

I mean, it would be unfair to just talk about the healings and awesome things they were doing without seeing what was happening within the Church or seeing God move inside the Church. It wouldn’t be a correct depiction plus it might paint to some a not very rosy picture of this 1st Century Church but that’s the thing about God and His judgement. It is not fine and dandy and anything goes. As we studied in the Minor Prophets last year, God cannot be gray… Truth is truth. You can’t hide from God because God will smoke you out. You can’t trick Him because God will call you out.

I loved it. And although the people were fearful I think it was good that they were fearful of God. I mean, isn’t that we should all be? We should all treat God with some reverence knowing that He is sovereign? How many of us are fearful of Him? I know I’m not. We talk of Him as our friend or sing love songs to Him like he’s our lover but the truth is, God is also Almighty Majesty, our King.

I really liked last night’s study because of the revelation I got through my experience with Him. Oddly the experience wasn’t so overpowering but it was like a light switch that made it all bright, like I was brought back into His presence through His voice. In the same way, I could easily walk out of that light so I hope I don’t do it too soon. Even though it is tempting. It warms me inside to think that such a simple revelation from Him can have such powerful effects. May God not only enlighten us but draw us into His holy presence.

I have been meeting to write a bit of “What Happened in 2011″ for me in my life but I never got to it and I became very distracted and scattered in December, especially near the end of it when I had so much free time on my hands.

I was upset at things and people around me, blaming them for keeping me away from meditating or thinking. I was angry but having now realised, it could have just been me that found it difficult to spend time in the presence of God.

It could be my sin and my heart that wanted to pretend on a superficial and self-righteous level that I should spend time with God to reflect on 2010 and 2011. Within me, it was probably also my sin holding me back from spending time in God’s peace.

Yet God in his amazing grace, still allowed me to be used even though I didn’t know I was a tool for His glory, to help and prophesy to others. Prophesy here was not to be a fortune teller but to comfort someone. It was not a supernatural moment although I believe God was using me to reassure and bring this person back to Him. It was not like that person accepted it either but God had to continually reassure them until they came to a point where they could not deny God was targeting and asking them to return to Him.

I guess for me, it was just real curiosity rather than a desire to be of service. But I could quite recognise His hand on the situation and it was confirmed on some level by other person. It wasn’t like I even wanted to be used. If He had asked me whether I wanted to be His instrument I would have flat out said No because I know myself and how rotten I am.

It did not help that I did at some point feel like I was sinking further into the depths of darkness rather than floating to the top.

So it is no surprise when this person spoke to me informing me that I had a gift that I took note of it and after that night, could not help but acknowledge that God had spoken. It is surprising that when you hear His voice, at an instant, you are brought back into His holy presence and suddenly, nothing else matters yet again and you are at attentive to what He has to say.

In some way for this person, having immersed into the God’s presence, should only have their heart tuned in to God’s frequency, which was why when then they said what they did, it was as if God was pointing out something. He didn’t stop there. Throughout our conversation, where I was doubtful, He used certain Bible verses to confirm that what I was thinking or feeling was Him and I really should not be so pathetic but to believe.

This person had said I might have a gift, a gift to bear burden. What a terrible gift I know! But when I thought about it I recalled many years ago, while studying the Beattitudes, that someone had casually mentioned that I had a gift of one of the Beattitudes..

“Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted” – Matthew 5:4

It was rather similar to what this person had said and I couldn’t help but wonder after our conversation if it was true. I did a bit of reading through Google and found out that yes, I did seem to have a sensitive spirit, one that may have a heart for the strangest things and that God honours… it is weird to think that God honours sadness.. and He will fill us with comfort and joy. Actually, thinking of it now, I think it’s quite awesome.

I guess it is hard to go into much detail now about what the gift entails or involves but all I can say is that on some level, yes, I seem to have captured this Beattitude quite well. I am in no way elevating myself. But I am acknowledging that this is from God and no one else. I don’t know what is going to happen. I don’t know if I will hone the gift or this Beattitude or I will forget it and brush it aside but I thank God for calling me back. After hearing His voice that night, it was like a click or a switch and I knew I was back in a right place with God, not from my own doing because if it was on my own merits, I would have faltered and be quite lost but no, through God’s grace and His mercy in my life, that I can recognise His voice. I guess on some part it takes humility but I can’t think how at the time I was humble.. but perhaps I was curious and that helped me put everything aside to see what God had to say.

It brings me to a thought of someone I know who talks a lot. This person likes to say things that perhaps sound good on the surface but has no substance in it. I had noticed this for a few months but since I hadn’t seen them for a few months and had recently crossed paths again, I noticed it was worse than usual and it was confirmed in the past week that although they like to say godly things, or things that seem so awesome and wow, it is through their life that you will see that they do not have their head on right and will need to seek God again. I just feel that if you were so in tune, you would not speak to butter up people but you would speak and live, in fact, you would not need to live by any standard because God would make sure that your life would be a testament to His awesome. We do not need to put that on or say things because God would make it evident. Perhaps at a time, God had shown Himself but not the last few times I had seen and they were grasping or perhaps, just lost themselves.

It is sad when we think we hear God but actually we do not. It is so important we don’t trick ourselves into believing we hear Him.

It seems that after having played around with my eyes, it has made me myopic and very distracted. Reading is quite a chore and my concentration level is at an all time low.

I have all these plans for the New Year which unfortunately have only just remained as so. And somehow these plans were made some time in November. I had a two week break and sad to say they weren’t the most productive. Sure it just meant I just chilled out a lot but at the same time, I wished I had accomplished at least 1 of my goals.

I wish I could feel sadder that it is the past the New Year and I am still not as reflective. I mean I should be yet… I am not. I have so many things to be grateful for in 2011 and in 2010. I never properly got to reflect on it and that kind of disappoints me. But what disheartens me the most is how guilt-free I feel that I don’t want to reflect. I could say maybe the Holy Spirit is saying I don’t need to reflect or maybe, God forbid, that I have wrecked myself beyond comprehension and am now unable to remember or think back of God’s goodness to me.

I hope I will find the time to write my thoughts down. I hope I will feel more thankful in my heart and I hope it will be sincere and honest, not seen as a chore but to really see the bigger picture. Please God, I hope I am not a brat although I have a creepy feeling I am.

One of the few things that irk me constantly is when Christians say the darnedest things without thought of God.

So they may something like, “We should do what other people do because being righteous will not get you anywhere. Who cares about others? Let’s just take advantage of them as long as I come out OK.”

I am normally in disbelief that people can actually utter such obscenities. Yes, it is obscene. It is selfish. Perhaps, I am paraphrasing but there are people who say things like that and think they are correct. How can we tell them they are wrong? Will they listen? More often than not, no. Instead they’ll get defensive and rant like lunatic till everyone shuts up so that they get their way. Yes, self-righteous.

I am horrified that I know such people. In fact, I get so saddened and disappointed with them because they actually naturally think this way. All that time in Church, studying and serving has done nothing but made them self-righteous and judgemental. Mix that together with their selfish behaviour and we get a… are we all this way? How can this be right? How can this be what God calls us to be? Are we to be of this world or not?

I don’t normally like to Bible bash but…

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. – Romans 12:2 [NLT]

I don’t consider myself a saint. In fact these days, I am far from God, choosing to be in most ways, enjoying the temporal pleasures of life. I do desire to be with God but instead I turn my back to Him and do my own thing.

So how can I look upon these obscene people and say anything? There is a fine line perhaps – one whose conscience has been shaped by the Holy Spirit and the other who refuses to be. One who has submitted on some level to believing and trusting that God’s ways are better and the other who thinks they know better.

Am I saying that I am better than these people? Does that not make me self-righteous? I suppose at some point, we are going to have to make such a stand. Yes, because I believe God has changed me … even if it is a little.

But the point is, selfishness can be viewed on a moral level too rather than a spiritual one. One does not need to know God to be unselfish. There are people out there who feel inclined to lead a more altruistic lifestyle not because of religion in any way.

I am at a loss for words when I see how these people react to things. How can we help them? Can they be helped? Will they allow people to help them in the first place?

They will always find fault with others or say it is the fault of others but in reality, they are usually the problem. It is depressing just thinking of it.

One of the few things I am good at these days is creating a blog and then leaving it to languish, deleting it and restarting it again.

It is hard to upkeep a blog. I want each post to be decent and on some level I am more concerned with attracting hits from search engines than focusing on the content.

So some of my 2012 resolutions is to attempt to post more regularly and because I normally have so much to say, I am going to try to post shorter write-ups. I can get quite detailed and am guessing this bores people, even search engines. I will try to post things that interest me too. I suppose that is what a blog should essentially be about. I get sidetracked so easily.