Re-reading my private posts

Update: I managed to import my posts! And I had to re-arrange some of them and I believe some are super private because I took them from my private blog and I can’t be bothered to sift through it all. I’m just going to lay it all bare for all and sundry to see and read. Also had to re-date some of my posts so the sequence for some are wrong. I doubt anyone will care. But I can’t believe I still have blog posts from 2006! I stopped blogging from 2011-2014. I think I had some false starts in 2012/2013 but I didn’t save those. Bummer.

Update 2: I managed to import my Xanga posts! Holy crap. From 2003! Some are superiorly cringe worthy. I doubt anyone’s ever going to read them. I struggle to go through them myself. And I was so honest in some of them. And so open. Wow.

I put a lot of my posts since 2014 into private mode and I cannot believe how smart I sound in some of them. I can’t believe I wrote them!

If only I had kept my posts from 2005 on this blog. Maybe I should re-import them? I’ll think about it and figure out how to do it. I spent so much of it processing my grief but I think I’ve come out stronger. But by removing it and moving it, it’s helped a lot too. Instead of dwelling on it but maybe it’s time to return it to give my blog more body. I erased so much of the dated nonsense like American Idol posts and what not. Haha. Who knows. Let me think about it.

Percolating…

I have been thinking of starting / restarting a blog for the last few weeks.

I realised some times I have thoughts that seem very out of place in my world. Maybe they are too blatant, too direct or too judging. I don’t mean to come across that way and it’s maybe how I process things. Like I need a platform to discuss or more like ‘for people to hear me out.’

I have realised it doing in whatsapp groups or facebook walls may not be the best place even though you have a ready audience. Twitter is still OK ‘cos it’s short form.

I currently own 2 Twitter accounts. One of them I use for politics and nobody knows it’s me. I hope nobody knows it’s me! The other one I use to do more personal tweets. Separating my political thoughts from my @pigduck was a conscious decision because it just allows me to be more free to troll. Also it’s safer so people don’t connect dots. I get quite a lot of impressions on my political Twitter handle which can be exciting. I’m glad there are people out there who agree with my thoughts. Some of them want me to show myself but I like being anonymous for now.

I do hope that writing will help me structure my thoughts and help me express myself so I don’t offend people. And if people want to be offended by me they can come here and read it in a processed way instead of me saying it aloud and in their face without a filter.

At first I thought I wanted to percolate my thoughts on another domain anonymously. I still haven’t quite decided. The problem with doing it at pigduck.com is that there’s some form of ownership and exposure. Like people I know will link it to me and I am fearful I will not be very honest and I’ll write in endless roundabout riddles. If I wrote elsewhere, nobody would know it’s me and I can just do verbal diarrhea and that would be great. I could write openly about faith, politics and life without some stigma following or people in real life thinking something of me. Boxing me. Although I’m quite a square box as it is, I don’t like being typed.

Am I ashamed of my thoughts? Some times. Haha. Should I be apologetic for my thoughts? Probably not.

Percolating is a good word. I imagine something brewing, dripping slowly and being filtered. I wish that for what’s going on in my head.

When I first got this domain, pigduck.com in 2005, pigduck was hardly a common word but now there are so many pigducks in the world and these people are stealing my identity and signing up as pigduck on new platforms. OK fine, they are not stealing my identity since I don’t own ‘pigduck’ but I think I should find someway to trademark it.

I was thinking I should spend some time planning what I would like to write and not do a as-it-comes kind of thing. Writing does seem like a tedious act. You have to spend time sorting the thoughts and then typing it all out coherently. Would having a personal journal be helpful? Maybe but then there’s no audience. Haha Do I need an audience? Some times. I think when we write there will always be an audience.

Most people these days have become so advanced when it comes to blogging. I remember back in the day when people just wrote whatever they felt like but now you need to have it tagged and sorted or even have 1 blog for 1 topic. Not 5 topics in 1 blog like what I plan. I can imagine my categories will be varied. “Percolating, Dear Diary, Dear God, Music, Life, Faith, Politics, Reviews, etc”

Back in the day, I also remember how I wanted to do vlogging. Nowadays the equipment is so affordably accessible and people make such professional videos. Although recently, I was thinking of doing a podcast but I’m unsure what topic I feel I can talk endlessly about. So it’s best just to let me say my piece here. For now. Till I find my voice. Till I’m brave enough to say it aloud.