Answered Prayers
I have writer’s block. One of the most amazing things happened this week and I can’t find the words to describe it. I’ve been meaning to write it down for a couple of days now but every time I sit infront of the computer, I find my mind blank and unsure how to start. I don’t think I will be able to condense it so bear with me.
This week has been a time where we were momentarily thrown into darkness and then given the chance to experience light again. I had never understood Psalms 30:5 more clearly than ever until this week… “…weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning…”
For myself, it has been a greater ride. Not as negative, not as scary but to be able to see something that I thought was impossible become possible with God… how many people get to see that happen? My prayers may have seemed silly but the fact is that God answered them.
My doubt, my anguish, my unbelief, my anxiety, my desperation dissolved this week and now all that is left behind is assurance in the Heavenly Father, in Jesus and in the Holy Spirit.
I can’t even begin to explain my disbelief over the events of the last few days… I don’t know where to start. All I can say is, “It’s God! It’s really God! Praise God! Thank you God!”
If you have been diligently following my weblog entries over the last few weeks, from Xanga to pigduck.com, you would have noticed that I was dealing with a certain issue that I felt was impossible to solve. I talked about it in varying degrees of detail in some of the posts… I had many doubts if you noticed and maybe all that could be seen was confusion. I don’t deny that it has been completely mind-boggling until this week.
When God answers you specifically, you have to take notice.
I am finding much difficulty in writing this. I am not sure why. Maybe because words cannot truly explain the full extent of what happened this week. I tried to share the testimony with a few people but still, I don’t think they comprehend the magnitude or even see the hand of God in the situation. I have yet to share it with the one person who needs to hear it so I am asking for courage from God and for the right time.
Who knew that after my last post, so many things would happen all at once? Who knew that my assurance in the power of God would be tested so quickly and at the same time keep me sane and steady in the promises of the Lord so soon after?
God has His timing and it is inexplicably perfect. God knows what is happening and even though there is doubt in our hearts, God doesn’t waver like us. We have to trust Him.
That must be the most difficult task God entrusted to us. To trust Him. It means letting go, surrendering and waiting for God. Do you know how difficult that is? Duh… silly question. Of course you do.
On Monday, I had called up an ex-colleague and we were discussing bibles when she told me that Borders had quite a good selection of audio bibles. The Holy Spirit must’ve prompted that conversation ‘cos I called her out of the blue. I was still confused on Monday but after eating with Adelyn, I felt sure that God was in control. But I didn’t know how in control He was until… the events that unfolded.
Tuesday was my last day of work. It went on rather smoothly. I met up with various people but felt in my heart the need to buy something from Borders with my Berjaya Group 15% discount. After the two lunches, I made my way over to the bookstore to peruse their audio book section again. I spotted an audio bible that I had seen on Amazon. However, it was extremely pricey. I thought that maybe I could check it out on the Internet at the office. It turned out my office at the internet was down the whole day. I withdrew money from the ATM and if any of you know me, I do not make spontaneous purchases. Never. I tend to mull, discuss, contemplate and then maybe decide to buy it. Usually, I won’t.
However, that day I felt that I needed to make a purchase and since that would be the last day I would be enjoying my staff discount, I had to think hard and fast. I called up some of the Christian bookstores around KL but none of them had this audio bible and the only one that had it, sold it for at least RM 15 more. So I made my way over to Borders to buy the bible before leaving for home.
I made my way home rather proud of my purchase. I didn’t feel like I had wasted my money even though it was a few hundred dollars. I checked on the internet when I arrived home to see how much the bible would have cost on Amazon and I was rather disappointed to see it cost RM100 less even with shipment included. I know, I was disappointed. But then again, the difference that I thought at the time, was that I could have the product instantly. Who knew I would need it so soon… God knew.
Throughout this time, my dad and mom were in the hospital. My dad had to go in for further tests that Tuesday to figure out this new illness he seemed to have caught. Things started to smell fishy when my older sister made her way to the hospital and my parents, sister and brother-in-law did not come back for dinner.
During dinner I told Carmen I would probably be heading over to church for a prayer meeting. I had told a friend the night before that I might go to the prayer meeting.
I called my mom before heading out for the prayer meeting and was then given really disturbing news.
I made my way over to the prayer meeting rather distraught… asking God repeatedly, “What’s going on?!” I was still rather stunned by the news and truly was glad that I made my way over to the prayer meeting. Although the prayer meeting was something I didn’t expect, it was good that I went. I got to be out of the house and at the same time, I got to sing praise and worship songs and really ask God for strength. I was trembling so hard, I had to sit down throughout the time I was there.
I left the prayer meeting early since I felt slightly stronger and also because Carmen was home alone. I think she was the most blessed throughout this time. Ignorance is bliss.
Soon after I got home, my mom, sister and brother-in-law came home as well. I went to pray with Carmen that night and then went to see what needed to be done. I was asked to stay at the hospital that night. I didn’t mind. I felt stronger and rather comforted after the prayer meeting. I knew that I would be staying over at the hospital before the prayer meeting anyway. However, my mom and sister were giving me all these instructions on what to do and asked me to bring the few things my dad had requested. He requested for the Bible.
The idea of the audio bible had been on my mind for a few weeks now. I had prayed about it, talked to my pastor about it and I believe that thought was inspired by God. I am not that wise or gifted to come up with that idea myself. I had instead held the unbelief then that it would never come to pass. When would the opportunity arise to listen to the Bible? God knew when.
About a week before, I had provided an audio sermons and songs that could be listened to in the car but the idea was not taken too well. Of course it discouraged me and that was why I could never think of another time arising. Until this night. I realised that I would be instrumental in this process and this was another answer to my prayer. It really is all about God’s timing. The fact that I had just bought the audio bible that day? Pure coincidence? I don’t think so. I had no clue what was happening either at the hospital neither was I or any of us prepared for the news that we had heard a couple of hours later. Truly, God knew.
So God knew when the audio bible was necessary. I brought it to the hospital and we listened to the Gospel of John together. It’s a very good book.
Before heading out to the hospital, I prayed with my mom because she didn’t seem strong at all. She was crushed about the news. I tried to tell her that I felt that God was in control. I tried to relay the events of the night before, about everything I had told Adelyn, my confusion and then the clarity and even more the assurance and security I felt in God. I felt that God was still in control. I don’t know how much she believed but I believed that God was in control. I had my tiny doubts but they weren’t as steadfast as my trust in God’s plans.
I have to say now that the initial diagnosis by the doctor was not a pleasant one. In fact, it was devastating and down right tragic. It was unexpected as well so you can imagine why it was such a blow to us. They said it was 90% that and there would be no hope… they spoke of how aggressive it was. Of course that was from the initial tests. More tests were being done but the doctor was so sure it wasn’t good and the tests would confirm their findings. We didn’t dare doubt them. After all, this was their job. However my thought at the time was that not all the tests were completed yet and we should wait for the final report. Call me hopeful, I don’t know.
That night when I was in the hospital, I asked God for a miracle. Everybody else thought it was the end of the world but I prayed about it. I’m not sure where all the hope was coming from but I talked to God and asked Him for the results from the further tests to be different. Every conscious moment I had in the hospital, I asked God for a miracle. I guess listening to the John’s Gospel really helped too. Jesus is really wonderful. He spoke so much in John and having never properly read through John before I was pretty amazed at everything in the Gospel.
The next day was another difficult day. My dad came home from the hospital and my sister and mom went off secretly to get a second opinion in the hope of understanding the probable treatment options and everything else. This 2nd doctor was even more disturbing, confirming again what the first doctor had said and giving an even scarier prognosis. He said that it was 95% confirmed that and 5% others. Out of that, it would be a 1% chance of what we were initially told it was. Survival rate was really low. This dashed all hopes I am guessing my sister and mom had. I am glad I didn’t have to listen to it.
I don’t remember being too afraid because I felt God was in control. My mom came home a little more composed and it was funny that less than half an hour after she came home we got a call from the hospital telling us that the results were out and that my dad didn’t have what we feared he had. Instead, he had an infection as what we were first told initially. Something treatable at least… When my mom told me of the results right after she put the phone down, all I could say was, “it’s God…” a miracle happened…. could I say it was a coincidence? No… two top doctors had told my mom and sister that it was 90% bad and there was no hope… but God turned it around.
Sure, my dad’s got an infection now that doesn’t help situations but it is far better than something we had feared. We were all so relieved but the truth of the matter is, all I could think about was how it was God all the time. I truly believe it was Him and Him alone. A divine intervention. Why?
When I had come home from my dinner with Adelyn on Monday night, my mom was a bit distraught because her and my dad were supposed to fly off to Singapore for a check up on Tuesday. However, my dad was too sick to travel such a long distance. He had a fever and I don’t think planes would accept that. It’s not healthy for him anyway.
So we decided he should stay back to get his further tests done in KL instead as previously planned. That night I remember so clearly my brother-in-law asking why the doctors had no clue what was attacking my father and my sister retorting that doctors don’t know everything. They only know 10% of our bodies and they aren’t God. She kept on saying that doctors weren’t God. I was listening to the conversation and obviously fuming because in my mind, I kept on thinking, then why aren’t we turning to God?! I thought how faith-less we seemed to be, how ignorant we were acting as if God had no power at all and worst of all, I got rather annoyed that it seemed like we were ignoring Him and trusting ourselves. I had brought this up before, how we should pray but I was always told that prayer is not enough, that we need to do things. I think the view people have is that prayer is just sitting there and not doing anything. However, I can safely say that it is not true that prayer is not doing anything. It’s doing the greatest thing because over the last few weeks I had to do so many things and pray continually before I could witness the miracle and to see God answering my prayers. My pastor as well encouraged me to pray and wait. I was horrified at first. But it is true. Every move I had made was God inspired… really, it was.
Adelyn was sharing with me her bout with sickness at dinner as well and she was talking about the Great Physician… it was reassuring in my opinion to hear all of this before everything happened. It was almost this weird thing where I hear about the Great Physician and then hear my sister saying that the doctors aren’t God.
I have to thank God for the events over the past week. I can’t say that everything is going to be alright. I don’t know if it will be. I do know however that I trust God and that He listens to the minute-st cries of desperation… even when we lack faith in Him, He doesn’t falter toward us. His love is real. I know that He is with us. He gives us the faith and strength to carry on. I know that God is in control.
I am not as scared now. Of course we fear for the worst but at the same time, who knows what other miracles God can do? Who knows what kind of witness He wants us to be? I don’t doubt the power of God. Illnesses will affect us all the time, sin will attack us, the devil will try to make us reject God but God in all His glory can turn things around. He can do everything. Plus, how bad can it be to go up to heaven and be free from the shackles of this earth?
- I don’t know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don’t borrow from it’s sunshine,
For it’s skies may turn to gray.
I don’t worry o’er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I’ll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.
Ev’ry step is getting brighter,
As the golden stairs I climb;
Ev’ry burden’s getting lighter;
Ev’ry cloud is silver lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eyes,
At the ending of the rainbow,
Where the mountains touch the sky.
I don’t know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the One Who feeds the sparrow,
Is the One Who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I’m covered with His blood.
Refrain
Many things about tomorrow,
I don’t seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.
I found it more overwhelming because of all that had been in my mind over the last few weeks and to see it all come to pass one by one is in itself a miracle from God and an answer to my prayer.
After hearing the miraculous news that Wednesday, my sister told us that a pastor from church would be coming to pray for us the next day. That again, is another answer to my prayer. Apparently, this pastor was uncontactable until that Wednesday…
God had strategically laid out everything and all that was needed was for God to make the next move so that everything could happen. He did it and all in His time. Does this build up faith in God? For me, yes. I was afraid whether God would even act at all. I lacked faith but God proved me wrong. Nothing could be seen as a coincidence. Not in my eyes because I prayed long and hard for so many things over the last few weeks. I saw them being answered all at once. I prayed for courage, I prayed about reading the bible, I prayed that a pastor would minister to us and encourage us. It happened. Not in my timing but God’s. I wanted things to be instant but God knew when would be the right time.
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Here is an sermon on Numbers 9:15-23 that I had read just before this week. Take a read here.
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I have to also say that it has been a spiritual battle. When I spoke about spiritual warfare to certain people a week or two ago, I had a feeling they thought I was fanatical. I said that we were in the midst of a spiritual battle. I believe this was also a God inspired thought. Not one to believe in spiritual warfares usually, I sort of felt that it was a spiritual battle. Why?
Just a short few weeks ago, so many of us believed we were self-sufficient. We didn’t need anything else. Only the devil can put such pride into our hearts. We believe we can do everything by ourselves. I noticed that right after some of us turned to things that were not of God and that there seemed to be supernatural powers involved, I knew it was a spiritual battle. The fact that they claimed they saw miracles and healing happening before their eyes and when I saw their spirit harden toward the things of God and at the same time, toward the people who really cared for them, I knew something was amiss. It was also disconcerting when they put all their faith and trust in a man when they should be putting it in God. I knew straight away that this was not right.
I was faced with a lot of resistance when I tried to tell people this. Some of them accepted my reasoning at first but then doubted. They thought it was unimportant but we learned from Job that what happens in heaven, happens on earth too.
I might have blogged about it but I remember after a certain session with someone discussing the need for church involvement, I was exhausted from head to toe. I cried so much then because I was disappointment and I felt the situation so dire. It was an exhaustion like I had been fighting a battle. I had never felt like that in my life before. I felt at the time that this person wanted to equip the devil and how that was so wrong. I remember thinking, why do you want to do that?! Why do you want the devil to have the upperhand?
It briefly crossed my mind then that God is definitely bigger but I was also suffering from a lack of faith then. I was still fighting it my way of course, instead of God’s way. After the discussion where we came out with no conclusion except resentment towards one another I asked God for forgiveness and went back to them and asked them for forgiveness and asked them to do what they thought was appropriate. I guess it was all this unbelief towards God and His promises then. We all suffered from it.
Interestingly, right after that session when I had more time to ponder and meditate, I remember clearly how my father had said he had read about the armour of God. It was a few months ago when he said it but I remember that time very clearly and it struck me then… the armour of God… was God actually preparing our family so early on for a spiritual battle?
The Armor of God
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
- Ephesians 6:10-20
To be honest, even though I had done that verse various times throughout my life, I never really understood it until it happened to me and I was fighting rather helplessly. I never really understood the concept of armour until then.
After that revelation, I became even more prayerful I believe and I think I started thanking Jesus Christ for giving us the authority to use His name to cast out demons. Seriously, whenever I prayed and thought about my dad’s new mysterious illness and how things were getting out of hand (read “self-sufficiency” paragraph for better context), I started asking the devil to leave my dad alone. It worked you know.
Right after I brought up the need for church involvement and also the need to equip ourselves and to build up our spirit, the evil forces started losing their foothold. It happened quite clearly. Actually this is a really new train of thought …. that’s happening right now as I type. ”The supernatural healer” was purged from our conversations and worries… right after I started praying really hard about all of this and started casting out demons… In John’s Gospel Jesus cast out demons too without being physically there so that’s a miracle and I think it’s great that the Holy Spirit empowers us and gives us the authority to cast out demons too in Jesus’s name… wow…and now that I think about it… I was given the verse in Mark 9:24 - “Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” during this time and now, I see the significance. This verse in Mark 9 was linked to spiritual warfare too!!! Read the whole story here.
I never saw this link until now. So it has been a spiritual battle the whole time.
When the pastor and wife came over to pray for us on Thursday night, he mentioned Jeremiah 29:11-14.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.
This particular passage was mentioned at the start of this year during my grandparent’s memorial service, I believe. It was during a family event when this was mentioned. To hear it again on Thursday night was like, “Wow…. it’s true… it really is true!” That’s what it felt like to me… Nobody knows what I had been praying for or had gone through… God answered my prayers time and time again.
He answered everything. I wanted my parents to listen to a sermon on Luke 19 during this time. I gave it to them on an audio CD but they didn’t listen to it. But when they went to their bible study later that week, it was taught there. It’s all about the Lord’s timing.
I always wanted God to rush through and answer all my prayers. My concept of time compared to God’s is so different. I am definitely grateful and at the same time in awe. Coincidence can never be so accurate you know? Right now, I know that God has spoken to me in the most incredible way. Life changing? Definitely.
Many a times, I expressed the need for us to focus on the primary issue that is building up our faith in God so that whatever waves hit us, we will be strong and steadfast… that we will not weaken but instead have the strength from God to withstand anything.
Victory is ours if we trust in God. Seriously. Our health may stumble, our career may end but these secondary issues will seem less important if our eyes are on Jesus. We need to remember that we believe in an unbelievable Creator. One who cares about us, who loved us enough to send His son to die for us. His son died and rose again and left his Spirit to empower us on a daily basis. God is real.
Over the last few weeks, I had also started to focus more on the Holy Spirit and Jesus Christ. I never used to do that before until now… again, I believe it is God inspired and by His prompting….I mean, I used to lump God into one word… which was God. However, I had started to think more about the Holy Spirit and His work and more importantly, I began to look at Jesus Christ and why we needed to focus on Him and why He was so important… I am now slowly getting it… it’s still a bit hazy but i know by God’s grace, it will become clearer. To understand God as the Trinity is one of the most difficult and profound things ever …one that I am only starting to understand… how they all work together… how God works, how this is His divine plan….
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Today was Chap Goh Mei. Obviously not now but on Sunday it was. It is the last day of Chinese New Year. My uncles and aunties were so concerned about my dad and again, talk about building up our spirit was brought up. A prompting by the Holy Spirit? I believe so. If more than one person is thinking about the same thing, it again cannot be a coincidence.
By now you would know that I completely agree that faith is integral to our well-being. We need to be positive in the right things and not look at the negative things and allow it to eat us. The devil wishes us to look at the negative things ‘cos that will bring us down. We need to be strong in the Lord so that we can fight back. We need to have faith in God. Without that, we will crumble with the slightest punch. Our resolve in the Lord needs to be strong.
We sing praise and worship songs that constantly ask us to fix our eyes on Jesus and not on our problems.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
I think I have learned something throughout this time. We need the courage to speak up, to claim our victory in the Lord… it is almost like a declaration that we need to make that God can do the impossible and that He will. This will of course, weaken the devil’s stronghold in our lives.
We really need to trust God. It’s the most difficult thing. Trusting God is letting go and falling and believing that you will be caught by God.
We prayed for my dad just before dinner and they came up to visit my dad. It is amazing to see the whole family so united to help my dad. We are a blessed clan. Thank you God.
I treat many things as life lessons. I learned that many miracles are not meant to glorify God… I mean, of course that is one aspect but the main aspect I think is to build up our faith and trust in the Living God, in our Saviour and in the Holy Spirit. It brings us back and allows us to fix our eyes on God once again. It is to show that He exists and more importantly, to give us strength to face circumstances with the assurance that we have something tangible to look back upon… really, I believe miracles and overcoming trials happen to build up our spirit to trust and worship God again rather than to bring glory to God. I think that is God’s purpose for miracles.
I also know now how real spiritual battles are as well. We shouldn’t laugh them off.
To see God turn around a hopeless situation this week, I seriously serve the most amazing God ever. Too many things have happened this week and I can’t take it as mere coincidences. I believe it is God’s will and not fate.
I know that the future is something unknown to me but my God knows exactly what is going to happen. As long as I stay close to Him, He will lead the way and direct us to the right path. His light will show the way. I know that no matter what happens from now on, it is by divine grace. I will continue to hope for miracles to happen and for God to work His magic. My hope lies in God alone. My trust lies in God alone and my faith is forever for God. I don’t ever want to take my God for granted and if I do I beg for forgiveness now.
Thank you God for answering my prayers in the most awesome way. I cannot imagine and no matter what happens from now on, I hope you remind me constantly of this week and that you are bigger than our problems. I hope we remember that. Give me the right attitude as well that I don’t fall prey to pride or anything of that nature. I pray that I will be able to uphold the Beattitudes and really live a life that will do you proud. Continue to watch over my father as he goes through his sicknesses. Give him renewed strength every day and heal him mentally, physically and emotionally… I ask the same for my mother and my siblings. Allow the medicines to work on my dad. Don’t let the devil harm us. Protect us Lord. Thank you for your Blessed Assurance. Thank you Jesus for your love towards us. Thank you Holy Spirit for the work you are doing. Thank you Heavenly Father for the continued blessings. Amen.
I hope you understand all that I’ve written. I have spent the last 4 days trying to compose this particular post. It has been difficult but I shall post it up now. If it is unclear or fragmented, I’m sorry. I would like to hear from you though.
