• pigduck
• Mar 28,2006
• In: Rants

Soaring, ecstasy, passion.

So after my last post, I spent the evening concentrating on Mariah Carey and her voice. I have to say she is superb. I haven’t sat around to listen to her in a long time and I was again absolutely awestruck and bowled over by her voice. I feel like her voice takes me beyond anything I know of and that I soar with her through the pain and troubles. Her voice is truly amazing. I felt like screaming and crying for joy. It sends chills down my spine. It is purely orgasmic.  

I came upon this very amazing thing a fan created for Mariah’s anniversary. Check it out-> Close my eyes. I particularly like Picture 3. You have to listen to the music that goes with it.

 

 

Isn’t that awesome? Another fan-made masterpiece.

We had dinner downstairs with the uncles and aunties to celebrate David and Aunty Lin’s birthday. I thought of Mariah the whole time… during dinner, I found out a family member of mine mentioned that he is now watching the L… I wonder if it’s because he read my blog? I would like to assume so. I’m sure it is so. Unless he begs to differ.

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As for my other cousin, she thinks I’ve completely gone the other way and I’ve gone gay. Oops. No, I haven’t. I have always felt more drawn to women. I was explaining to her why I am the way I am. It is easier to spot out a girl on television rather than a guy because of how we’ve been conditioned to look at women as sex objects or objects of lust. It explains why those beer ads feature svelte women in bikinis.  

I admire women. I don’t deny that. I love to see their fluidity, strength, and grace. In fact, I find it easier to like them and to see their beauty. I can’t say that for men. Maybe it’s my fear of men or my apathetic view of them. Not many of them have impressed me so far…I find them rather feral to be honest and I have to be like those people on television - I need a boyfriend that I can say is good looking enough to be paraded around town as my boyfriend.

OR maybe I just think that men are off-limits? The eternally 17 view I must say. Stay chaste, Wendy. haha. Hardly. I’d probably do well in a nunnery. (Or not. Well, bald women don’t appeal to me so yes, I’d probably thrive…)

You must be thinking now, “Wendy, you should stop watching television. You shouldn’t eat what they feed you.” The truth is, I don’t watch much television at all. You can’t count the weekly American Idol shows as watching television. Even the Malcolm in the Middles’ and That’s so Ravens’ can’t count. Don’t tell me that Animal Planet is the reason. Definitely not. I suppose then it’s the advertising or the americanisation of my life. Or the stifling Malaysian environment that I live in?  

I do find it easier though to spend time with girls. It’s a bit awkward with me and guys. I keep thinking they want something from me. Yes, I am the product of a paranoid Malaysia. The endless stories in the newspapers of abusive grandfathers, fathers, brothers and uncles betraying their female relatives or friends, the scary streets of KL and the murderous love affairs of jilted and jealous lovers. I get the idea from our local media that men are bad people. How did I become like this? Could it be that I just find men grotty and disgusting? What does that all mean anyway? Assuming the endless teasing in school did it for me and I became a girl who was afraid to face men? What about this scenario? I could be a girl who fetishizes and has natural sexual prowess, maybe even a dash of voyeurism, but because that is unbecoming of a young Christian girl, I had to suppress it. Now, I can’t release myself from my inhibitions and what is left is a girl who is date-less and fears the idea of intimacy with men. Who knows. It could be countless factors.

I don’t fear women as much. I find them intimidating but intriguing. I am drawn to them like a fly is to a light. It depends who the girl is, of course. Ah, those lucky ones who are the objects of my affection. There are many.

Even if there are metrosexual men to drool over, let’s take for example, David Beckham, the ultimate metrosexual. Sure, I think he’s good looking. But I am not attracted to him. I think it’s wonderful that he’s married to Victoria Beckham, a gorgeous woman in my opinion. A bit stick-like these days but nonetheless radiant in my books.

You can see why this may worry my cousin. I did not explain my disillusion with men to her though. I just said I found women more appealing and attractive compared to men. Even if the men are metrosexual per se.

She thought of two people that she thought were good-looking. Yes, the two mentioned by my ex-school mate a couple of weeks ago. My cousin and I had a good laugh about it. It just shows us the low grade choices we women have. Most of the men in town are not worthy of us and are of such poor quality. It saddens and worries me. Some times, I sit in a cafe and see couples strolling by. Usually, it is a pretty decent looking girl with a hideous beast-like companion. Hmm… other times, both are just as ugly. I shouldn’t hold out for too much then. I’m doomed anyway.

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After the dinner, my family (read: clan) adjourned to our house to watch the wedding videos and photo collages of my cousin’s wedding. I thought they were pretty cool but I was pre-occupied with Mariah Carey. 

I received a call from my cell leader tonight too. She preceded to ask me how my father was and most importantly, to question my participation or lack thereof at cell. I wonder if it is because I had written a couple of days earlier on this blog of my feelings towards cell. Who knows. I thus related the events over the last few weeks of my dad’s condition, the miracles that I saw and heard of and the prayers that God chose to graciously answer. She was pretty amazed considering she was the last person I had poured my frustrations out to before I saw the hand of God move ever so mightily in my father’s life. She wants me now to share this at cell and I did try to impart to her that I am long-winded and I love how she keeps trying to ask me to change. It’s easy to say, friend, hard to do.

We talked till midnight. We tried to work out some knots and she tried to ask me to change for the betterment of the cell and we’ll see… I turned the tables on her too. So I guess we are fair and square.

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I guess that’s it. I’m anxious for my next L fix. My jaw still drops every time I think of it.

I guess this is it from me till tomorrow. It’s 2:14am. The point of this post was really to post the Mariah Carey things. Please enjoy them.