A reply to my previous post.
I do have an exhibitionist side to me. As much as I hate to admit it.
I have been praying for the last 10 minutes or so… but right now, it is time for me to address it here, since I have posted something today that does need some vague clarification.
I spent a lot of time today at work reading up on apologetics, maybe a bit biased but then I wonder, if we are not biased about our views and if we accept everything and if we say everything is ok and we should all be at peace with one another, then we are being postmodern about our faith. Isn’t that dangerous?
I know in my last post, I may have been a bit harsh. Who am I to judge what is right or wrong? Maybe some people really felt God talking to them through the message. Maybe I was the odd one out. I heard that this pastor preaches every Easter at this church. Maybe next time I should move on to another church during Easter…
I don’t think I could speak up at the altar… I don’t think I am gifted… neither am I prayerful enough to be able to know what to speak about… sure, I haven’t prayed enough over the last few weeks and has that kept me away from God? Have I kept myself away from God?
Last week I read about people who visited heaven and hell… and yeah, it freaked me out and yet I don’t think it’s important enough for me to change… I don’t think so…
I wonder too… if I became so concerned about the after life, then what am I doing on earth? Wouldn’t God want us to enjoy in this place called earth?? That’s why we are here… sure, we have a purpose, to see and save the lost but at the same time… God did after all, allow us a chance to be born into this place… into this world to really enjoy it to some extent. We can’t be pious… or religious.
I can see some of you saying that I am hypocrite… I know I am… I haven’t been keeping close to God… I guess for many reasons… maybe I’ve been smug about it… “God’s answered my prayers” and then… that was it… I stopped talking to Him. I stopped communicating. I was too elated that I revelled in it too much and then got disconnected.
I guess right now, I can’t stop. I know that God has given me the chance to see His work done on earth… and I thank Him for the privilege….
I know I was pretty harsh about my views on the Easter message but I do feel strongly about it… if we accept it just because the church got someone special to tell it to us, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s right… I feel bad because I turned off some people with my views and they started ignoring me. hahaha.
I have asked God for forgiveness for my tardiness… for my lack of communication… for my neglect… I try to dispell the idea that God is ready to forgive me… I don’t want to be dependent on that and to take God’s love for me for granted… if we do continually ask God for a miracle… He will grant it to us… I’ve seen it myself… I saw something that I thought was impossible become possible…
I know that God is real and I know that He’s greater than anything on earth… He can do anything He wants to… even if it’s out of character … like creating gold teeth… who knows what the intentions are there… but yet, there are times that I know the devil can disguise himself to look holy too. I guess it’s here that I ask God for discernment to know what is right and wrong. I read about this several years ago… apologetically speaking, it does sound awry. We have been taught over the years to look into Scripture… to see what God says… and if it’s not in line with the scripture, then it’s not of God…
Anyway, I thought I should clear it up that as much as I feel… odd over the sermon during Easter, it could partially be my… distance with God that caused such a rant… but at the same time…I don’t think I am making unreasonable justifications either. I just feel it contradictory to what we have been taught at church.. that’s all.
My main reason for writing tonight is this… if you can all, who read this… pray for my dad… he’s not feeling too well today and he does look rather… ill. Saying just a line, “Lord, watch over Wendy’s dad… grant him peace and comfort…” will work wonders in the Kingdom of Heaven.. this I believe… I was reading a week ago about heaven and hell and how in heaven, the angels are continually working…. up and down they climb.. doing errands… working for God and I truly believe that angels are around us and they are watching over us… I guess it all sounds so unbelievable but I believe in it…
So if you can, say a short one liner prayer for my dad, we thank you for it… I believe in healing too. I don’t want to say outright that yes, God will heal my dad… I know we shouldn’t expect such things… we can hope that God will heal my father… but His plans may not be ours… we just have to trust God.
Dear Father in Heaven,
I thank you for this time of reflection. In more ways than one, I just worry some times at all that’s going around in the world… all the secular messages, all the stories that try to dispell your existence and that try to discredit the work of Jesus… I don’t want people seeing this side and only believing this… I want them to see you in all your glory as the bible has said… even greater, you are so much bigger than all they the academics make you out to be… you are greater and more amazing, with so much love… so much intelligence.. .so much wit…we are nothing without you….
Thank you Jesus for your work on earth … for your gift of grace… for your love … that you did not back away and shun what you had to do because you were afraid but you took it all Lord, all our transgressions to free us and to allow us open access to worship our Father again.
Thank you Holy Spirit for your continue work in our lives… for granting us a conscience and discernment…. thank you for your wisdom and your love…
Some times I wonder why you gave us free will…. we don’t know how to handle all this… we don’t know what to do with ourselves… instead, we take it and use it for the negative… thank you Jesus for giving us the chance to make a choice to believe in you or not… in a way, it puts a greater risk factor to what you’ve done… I guess it makes me more in awe at that… that you loved us enough to give us the chance to choose… that’s real love… letting us decide for ourselves…
Thank you that you aren’t a control freak… some of us here on earth can get so agitated some times if we aren’t in control and that’s our fault… again. Sorry.
Right now, I would like to ask you to watch over Papa and Mama.. give theim the strength and heal them…let them tap into your peace love… give them comfort tonight as they sleep and I really want them to wake up tomorrow, refreshed and feeling better. Keep watch over Papa and Mama tonight… that you will bless them with deep slumber… that will truly rejuvenate them for tomorrow….
Thank you Jesus for your love to all of us. We are truly an ungrateful lot, forgetting so easily… but I hope that you won’t leave us… and that you won’t keep out of sight but forever be in our faces, reminding us that you are our Provider, our comfort and our Creator.
In Jesus’s name I pray,
AMEN.
