• pigduck
  • Apr 26,2006
  • In: Rants

Calculative & Righteous …

Ok, I had an incident tonight that made me think about people who are calculative and people who are righteous.

It could have been partly my fault but the incident goes like this.

We had a situation where I informed the other party that I would be paying for something. The other party thought that was a great idea and wished to be included in the deal but not the something. That was fine. I was willing to pay for everything so I paid for it first and then later, she pays me back her share and more. I didn’t ask her to do that. She did it voluntarily and I took it. I didn’t go, “here take back this extra” because she already knew of my intention so why did she pay me the extra? I thought she might’ve wanted to pay for everything.

Today, she tells me that I have to pay her back the extra because it was actually my idea for the gift in the first place. I don’t deny that so I said ok. However, she adds on to say that I am after her money and it got quite ugly ‘cos I paid her but I think she must’ve thought I wanted to pay for her share too ‘cos she just walked off huffily after I paid her back the extra that she paid me. I could have paid for everything ‘cos it’s awful when people wrangle over money… is wrangle even a word?

I personally don’t think I am after her money. I was willing to pay her back and if she didn’t mention about paying me, I wouldn’t have asked. I don’t think I am the type to confront someone and go, “hey you owe me money!” I was cool but she paid and she paid extra. That would have been voluntary so that may have been her fault. However, should I say, “Oh no… you don’t need to give this to me… or you’ve paid extra…” maybe I should have opened my mouth too…

The worst part about this whole event was the fact that she said I was treating her like a cash cow. I must say that is one of the worst things anybody can say to you. Sure, she’s wealthier than me and she must think that everyone is dying to have some of her cash. Surprisingly, I am not. Yeah, I always ask her to get me things but I am never serious. Plus, she’s not that easy with her money either. She doesn’t think getting expensive gifts for people is good because they will always expect more the next time.

I don’t know what to say. It ruined my otherwise blissful night. It gets ugly when money is talked about. Plus, it has never been in my nature to talk about it and I actually do feel uncomfortable talking about money.

I was sitting around thinking about this issue and I could so easily be righteous and go… well, I did much more than her… at least I don’t do this and that and I am not money hungry or anal about things like this… I could say I am not materialistic… she’ll probably beg to differ.

But then I will be in the wrong too. I will be like the son in the Prodigal Son… the one who didn’t leave the father’s side… who didn’t squander his share of the inheritance… who continued to be hard working… but who in the end said, “why is my father treating this son who ran away better than me? I should be the one the father should be holding a feast for… not this wretched son who ran away…” And then I’d be wrong too… ‘cos the father is just happy that the lost son is home…I guess it’s not about who is more right. We shouldn’t think who is right or wrong. Society rules with that sort of idea though.

Throughout this whole thing, I think my reaction is not of rage or of thinking who is right or wrong. It is so easy to go into that mode. I think overall, I am hurt. Very hurt. To think that people could say such things like that…. It does reveal a lot about what their heart is like doesn’t it? It is sadder that this is what they think of me. That is what upsets me the most. Maybe I am and I’m blind… hahah…

So I don’t want to be that son who sits and looks at others and thinks they are better than them… because it would make me just as bad or worse than them… thinking I am more righteous than them… All I can do is not harbor any ill feelings and really… forgive… most of all, never ask them for money again! Hahahahah… It has left a sour impression on me and I am sure it has left a sour impression on her too…

Money is such an ugly thing isn’t it? It destroys relationships and friendships. Is it even worth it? Money makes us judge each other, makes us jealous with one another, makes us suspicious with one another. Our relationship is already on such shaky ground… with so much in-between us… I don’t know. God help us. I kind of know what this means, you know? What would Jesus do? He’d take the first step which means we have to make the first move… and humble ourselves. But then I know the reaction I will get is, “I told you so, I am right” and that will irk the freakin’ daylights out of me. Haha… sigh, it’s something that I’ll have to deal with soon. Please God… help me.

Related Posts

If you like this blog please take a second and subscribe to my rss feed

Comments: No comments, be the first to comment

All the fields that are marked with REQ must be filled

Leave a reply

Name (Req)

E-mail (Req)

URI

Message