Choices and treasures
Thought I should post a bit.
Went for bible study although I regret going now. Just because I was feeling rather under the weather and didn’t feel up to it. I was watching Cowbelles before and that movie rocked… just for its Disney-ness.
We talked about treasures (Matthew 6:19-21) and to me it’s just confusing. Why do we want to speculate what God is going to give us and the things we are storing up are the things that’s close to our hearts. Hmm… what is close to our hearts is what we treasure… I was rather hostile and not particularly warm and I didn’t like the topic at all. Just because it’s not something I’ve remotely thought about. I don’t sit around thinking what God is going to reward me with when I go to heaven. In fact, I would rather not think about it. But it all makes sense… what we hold dear to our hearts is what we currently treasure so maybe we should rethink our priorities if the things we consider important are not so good things.
The group had quite a lot of new people today. There was an outspoken and obnoxious one… something like me I suppose… some people would call it confidence… I don’t particularly find it appealing for someone who’s new somewhere to talk so much or be so sarcastic. It’s unbecoming of anybody to be so rude. A bad first impression. That’s my opinion… you see how unfriendly I am tonight?!
Anyway, I was thinking today that God gave us free will to decide many things. Sure, He wants us to consult Him but ultimately He’s given us free will to make choices. Therefore, we can open our own doors and close them… we don’t have anyone else to blame but ourselves in this case. I wish I could say that I am a good decision maker. I am not.
Therefore, God gave me free will to chart my life… I can decide to venture into new things or not and He can open or close those opportunities. I can open these doors to take a look but does that mean I should lunge into every open door that I open because God’s given me that door to open in the first place?
Interestingly tonight, someone mentioned Joseph and how his life, even though his brothers sold him, he used it for good and God blessed everything he did. He was hard working and made a good impression with the Pharoah. A few days ago, someone brought up Joseph and told me the exact same thing…. that some times, we get thrown into pits but life shouldn’t be easy… it’s got to be difficult and challenging to mould us into better people… Joseph’s life was definitely not easy but he wasn’t bitter either…He didn’t condemn his brothers for selling him. He turned out to have done the best… ‘cos he became Prime minister.
I have always had problems differentiating service. We shouldn’t be differentiating service in the first place yet because I have to separate a lot of things… work from family, work from God, I’ve developed a divide mentality where I can’t seem to combine the idea of service and work at the same time. Help.
I figured out tonight that I am selfish… just because I’m not serving and can’t seem to offer my time to anyone else but myself…
For the last few days, I’ve been thinking of my inability to commit. I have commitment issues. It’s hard to explain but I can’t commit myself to anything… the trends in my life have proven that, both in my personal and professional life. I wonder what this means… My wishy-washy-ness may be the death of me.
I am way too narcissistic and selfish. Great.
