• pigduck
• Oct 21,2006
• In: Rants

What God is Like

 

 

Parable of the Vineyard Workers
“For the Kingdom of Heaven is like the landowner who went out early one morning to hire workers for his vineyard. He agreed to pay the normal daily wage and sent them out to work.
“At nine o’clock in the morning he was passing through the marketplace and saw some people standing around doing nothing. So he hired them, telling them he would pay them whatever was right at the end of the day. So they went to work in the vineyard. At noon and again at three o’clock he did the same thing.

“At five o’clock that afternoon he was in town again and saw some more people standing around. He asked them, ‘Why haven’t you been working today?’

“They replied, ‘Because no one hired us.’

“The landowner told them, ‘Then go out and join the others in my vineyard.’

“That evening he told the foreman to call the workers in and pay them, beginning with the last workers first. When those hired at five o’clock were paid, each received a full day’s wage. When those hired first came to get their pay, they assumed they would receive more. But they, too, were paid a day’s wage. When they received their pay, they protested to the owner, ‘Those people worked only one hour, and yet you’ve paid them just as much as you paid us who worked all day in the scorching heat.’

“He answered one of them, ‘Friend, I haven’t been unfair! Didn’t you agree to work all day for the usual wage? Take your money and go. I wanted to pay this last worker the same as you. Is it against the law for me to do what I want with my money? Should you be jealous because I am kind to others?’

“So those who are last now will be first then, and those who are first will be last.”

- Matthew 20:1-16 (NLT)

I tend to over-analyse many situations. I take things literally too. I am not sure if this is an oxymoron or not. All I know is that over the last few weeks, I have lost the zest for many things. Things that I had held dear and I am so glad that in the last three days, God has chosen to draw me to Him. Maybe He knew I was finally relenting, maybe even softening my stance after so many weeks of facing my back to Him, maybe learning that I can’t live without Him.

I have felt restless over the past few weeks. I have drizzled my thoughts with many ‘maybe’s’ because I am unsure and neither can I locate the exact time that I decided to turn my back on God. Was it intentional? Maybe. Was it nonchalance? Could be. Was it attempting to answering my questions by myself? Maybe. Was it overkill of bible study? Maybe. Was it overkill of church? Maybe.

My lack of enthusiasm had an overwhelming effect on my life. I was at church and couldn’t open my mouth to sing. Not a single word two Sundays ago. Someone snapped at me and asked me why I attended church if I stood there without singing. In my heart, I knew it was abnormal that I did not open my mouth at all. I was unable to worship God. MY mind was thinking why this person judging me? How I worshipped God was none of that person’s business. I was worshipping God in my heart. I was but only half-heartedly. Maybe quarter-heartedly.  

When I was unable to attend church last Sunday, my heart heaved a sigh of relief. I could feel the dread creep up on me every time I thought of cell, bible study and sunday service.

I knew God could resolve my questions but I chose not to ask Him. Not once. Questions and thoughts that were brought up at bible study that I could not reconcile by myself. 

Then there are certain things that needs God’s attention but I have not brought it up to Him. I haven’t sought His counsel and this I know is intentional. I conveniently ignore the prompts that ask me to discuss things with God.

Throughout the last few weeks, I have heard numerous people, churchy and some unchurched who tell me that telling God everything is what one should do. We can well up so much in us when we needn’t do so since we have a “Great Listener” above. They told me to trust Him. At the time, I knew it was sound advice but I also questioned these people. They knew nothing of my relationship with God. What made them think I did not consult God when it matters most? So many times, God has answered my prayers and yet these are people who don’t go to church or do any church-y activities and they tell me I need to pray more?! I was slightly offended but unaffected by most of it. Which is rare by the way.

Could it be that I was cruising happily along? Nothing ruffled my feathers and basically, I was not bothered by anything. I was unfazed… You could call it apathy toward everything that had to do with God and even though I knew it was bad for me to think so, I couldn’t help myself.

I wasn’t prepared to cloak myself in a glittery, sugary coat of deception either. I wasn’t going to speak of God as if I trusted Him when I obviously didn’t see any need to. I wasn’t going to stand on a chair and proclaim that I understood God’s plans when I didn’t. Neither was I going to attribute God any credit for helping me in any way because I hadn’t needed His help. It distressed me quite a bit why I was feeling like that.

Secretly, I felt short bouts of panic when I had these fleeting thoughts. I would feel disturbed for a brief minute or two before cooling down. I knew not what to make of it and to be honest, it was as if I could care less.

But even though I felt like this, I still dragged myself unwillingly to cell and to bible study.

The last two cell meetings we looked at the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32).

The 1st week we discussed the younger son and the older son’s attitudes. I knew I was a two-in-one case. I was disobedient and rejected God like the younger son and I knew I looked at others with contemptuous eyes like the older son. Yes, maybe I wanted to experience life outside all this church-y business that I had embroiled myself in. Maybe I had had enough. Who knows. But I knew the qualities of both sons were evident in me. Without a doubt. But did I care? Not really. I still went about my business, almost falling asleep in bible study and finding it impossible to concentrate.

The 2nd cell meeting we discussed the Father in the story of the Prodigal Son. How did the Father react to his sons’ actions? He accepted them for who they were. He wasn’t exasperated. He was exuberant that the younger son returned to his fold. He restored the younger son’s position and this upset his older son who thought the younger son did not deserve this. The Father didn’t fight or demand for the older son to be kind to his younger brother, instead he explained that everything that was his was also the older son’s so why should the older son feel like he was denied and left out?

The Father’s love in the story was so strong that I felt it resonate out of the pages of the bible. I quivered when I saw how amazing the Father was in that story. This story was meant to be a reflection of how God the Father treats us. He’s gracious, he’s fair, he’s got emotions. Most importantly, He loves us so deeply that even when we turn our backs on Him, He doesn’t stop us. He gives us space to realise how good He is… when we think we should come back grovelling for forgiveness, He has none of that and instead, runs towards us and welcomes us with open arms. That’s how much He loves us. Do our earthly parents display such love? Not really. From what I’ve heard, earthly parents can be forceful, they can be demanding and they don’t listen to us or care to explain their actions. God, the Father, is different.

I was moved for the first time in weeks. The word that hit me with a rock was COMFORT. God is comforting. He wants to embrace us but do we let Him? I was quietly surprised.

An illustration was given in the parable I pasted at the top of this post. Was it fair that the vineyard owner gave everyone equal pay even though some worked longer and harder than others? Who are we to question God’s motives? In our minds, we expect to be rewarded handsomely for the work we do. God is not like us. He is God. He is fair to all and should we scream that He is unjust? He gave us what we have so why should we complain? If you were to place yourself in the shoe of the person who was hired at the 11th hour, you would proclaim that the vineyard owner was a generous man. I put myself in the shoes of the person who was hired last because of I thought of how I’ve been. I’m pretty non-committal in most aspects and God knows it. He knows i’ve just hung around and yet He gives me what I do not deserve.

A few weeks ago, I thought how I had forgotten the meaning of grace. Not this week. This week, I was reminded fully what grace was. And I felt it with my heart.

If you remember, I had written that I was reading a book this week. It’s a good book called, “Marley and Me“. It’s about a dog. I had a dog named Barley once.

This book is a biography of a manic, loopy dog who was riddled with the worst habits… It was more of a biography actually. It showed how Marley’s life weaved a couple’s life together and it was a sweet story that displayed Marley’s good and bad sides and made him so real it was as if he was right next to me and I was experiencing what the storyteller was.

I read the last few chapters on Thursday evening just before dinner. I cried my eyes out at every sentence I read. The tears streamed down uncontrollably as I tried to contain myself. The story was winding up and every word I read, I felt the storyteller’s love for his beloved dog. It was unconditional and discounted Marley’s habits and wrong-doings. It overlooked everything that was wrong and ugly. It was moving.

I realised then that maybe that’s how God sees us. His love runs so deep that no matter how we behave, how utterly destructible we are, He still showers us with love and understanding. He glazes over our bad points and focuses only on our good points. That’s what the storyteller did to Marley. When the dog needed help near the end, the family was there to support him. They treated him equally. I really felt in my heart that this must be how God treats us too but we are oblivious to it.

Check out the official Marley and Me website for excerpts. I suggest reading the book first. It makes the site more meaningful.

I was stunned at how powerful the book was. After dinner, I made my way to bible study. There were many things said but two of the things that stuck out for me were prioritising prayer and focusing on Jesus Christ. Two things I have not done in a long time. I admitted it because I knew it was time to own up. Why should I pretend that I was leading this great Christian life when I wasn’t? Why should I put up a facade for all to see just to make me look good when I knew I would only be deceiving myself? It was time for accountability. It was time for me to walk back to God and to restart my relationship with Him because I felt so much love in the last few days; love that accepts, that nurtures, that encourages. Love that understands, that uplifts, that overlooks. Overflowing, deep and agape.

Tonight, I’d had a long and trying day. I decided on a whim to flip to the ODB (October 20, 2006). I hadn’t read anything from that in ages and it was a perfect message and God chosen that I cannot say otherwise. I will not say otherwise.

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. —Isaiah 26:3

Life can seem unbearable at times.  Physical pain, difficult decisions, financial hardships, the death of a loved one, or shattered dreams threaten to engulf us. We become fearful and perplexed. Plagued by doubts, we may even find it difficult to pray.

Those of us who know the Lord through personal faith in Christ have in Him a calm retreat in the storms of life, even while the howling winds of trial are sweeping over us. We can experience peace of mind and calmness of spirit.

Richard Fuller, a 19th-century minister, told of an old seaman who said, “In fierce storms, we must put the ship in a certain position and keep her there.” Said Fuller, “This, Christian, is what you must do. . . . You must put your soul in one position and keep it there. You must stay upon the Lord; and, come what may—winds, waves, cross seas, thunder, lightning, frowning rocks, roaring breakers—no matter what, you must hold fast your confidence in God’s faithfulness and His everlasting love in Christ Jesus.”

Do you feel overwhelmed by your troubles? Learn a lesson from that old sailor. Fix your mind on the Lord. Ask for His help. Then trust Him to give you peace in your storm (Phil. 4:6-7). —Richard De Haan

All those things rolled into one. I know that no matter what, I need to look upwards and I don’t have to doubt or be confused. His love transcends everything we understand. Even then we wonder if it is for real. It is. I am so humbled that God chose to move me in such a manner. To see His love, to feel His love and maybe to fathom just how much he might love us. Yes, even with with our flaws and bad habits, even when we purposely disobey Him, even when we hurt and disappoint Him. His love is unconditional and pure, He is just, generous and most importantly, forgiving. He is the opposite of us.

Wow, for me, acceptance and forgiveness is enough. If He can accept and forgive me for who I am and all I’ve done, that is astounding enough. It is unbelievable.

Inbetween Wednesday and Thursday, a song kept popping up in my mind. It’s called, “When God Ran”.

Almighty God, the great I am
Immovable rock, omnipotent, powerful, awesome Lord
Victorious warrior, commanding King of Kings
Mighty conqueror, and the only time
the only time I ever saw Him run

Was when He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said,
“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise when God ran

The day I left home I knew I’d broken His heart
And I wondered then if things could ever be the same
Then one night I remembered His love for me
And down that dusty road ahead I could see
It was the only time – it was the only time I ever saw Him run

And then He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said,
“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise as He brought me to my knees
When God ran – I saw Him run to me

I was so ashamed, all alone and so far away
But now I know He’s been waiting for this day

I saw Him run to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice I felt His love for me again

He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said, “Son”, He called me Son
He said, “Son do you know I still love you?”
He ran to me and then I ran to Him
When God ran

[audio:http://www.pigduck.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/whengodran.mp3]

I thought I should post it up for you to listen to. It’s an amazing song.

I feel God’s love, His acceptance and His forgiveness… Thank you Father… Thank you Jesus… Thank you Holy Spirit… for EVERYTHING you have done.