• pigduck
• Nov 11,2007
• In: Family, Spiritual Affairs

In Loving Memory - 1 Month and 9 Days Anniversary

I cannot believe it has been one month and a bit since my father passed away.

I have dreaded this moment. The process has been difficult and although I sit here everyday for a few hours staring at my text editor, nothing really comes out. I feel uneasy and the recesses of my mind feel clogged. Although I can easily allow my thoughts to run freely, I choose not to let it thus torturing myself. I have so many thoughts and feelings that I want to express. Everyday, I think of what to write - I think of my father at the hospital, I think of my father at home, I think of my father with us, I think of my mother, I think of my sisters and brother in law, I think and think and think. Phrases form in my head, “I gotta write it down”, words come to mind, “I got to jot that down before I forget” and yet, I willingly let it slip from me because I struggle to pen it down, to type it out.

I  have not written about anything else even though I could so easily have. I have a backlog of pending discussions but I wanted to dedicate this month to my father - as a sign of respect and mourning.

I had never realised how endearing the phrase “In Loving Memory” was until my dad passed. Previously, that phrase meant nothing to me, zilch, but now it has taken on a whole different meaning, a whole different perspective.

I have never experienced grief like this before. Grief that has rendered me speechless. It is easy for any of us to feel sad for a celebrity who has died or for someone who is in the public eye because you can be caught up with the public display of emotion and shock that is riding the grief but it is nothing more.

However, when it is your father who dies, words cannot begin to express what you feel.

Since my father got diagnosed, I have never talked about the illness openly on my blog. I did allude to it but I made a conscious effort not to talk about it though my father was on my mind constantly.

Here are some of the links from this year that you may want to return to:-

- Going too smoothly

- Steadfast Love of the Lord

- Charlotte’s Web - The Cycle of Life

- Catch & Release - Life After Death

- Where have all the male nurses gone?

- For You Alone Deserve the Glory

- Strengthening Faith

- Because He Lives

- Should Christians & Atheists not care about the afterlife?

And from last year :-

- God is in Control

- Answered Prayers

- Praises to God

- Hospital Chairs are Comfy

- I Chanced Upon this Prayer