• pigduck
• Nov 30,2007
• In: Family, Spiritual Affairs

In Loving Memory - 1 Month and 28 Days

When I was really small, I never ever wanted my parents to die. EVER. I used to cry in bed thinking about them dying and how awful that would be… I think it was triggered by my grandfather’s death now that I think of it. The thought of my parents dying was unimaginable and I can recall quite vividly, crying and asking my older sister why? Why did people have to die? When would they die and how? I remember being so afraid and so very sad. And even as I was growing up, some times, the fear would grip me, what would I do without them? And I always thought they’d be there for me… right up to the end. Some times, I thought it was best if I died first so I wouldn’t have to see them die.

And who knew that my family would have to experience sickness? To be honest, I still don’t think we’ve been inflicted with anything too devastating. Maybe God was gracious enough to make it seem less painful and obvious. I’m not sure.

But that’s not right either. My father suffered a great deal … it was indescribable and what we must be thankful for was my father’s ability to forget pain. He forgot easily which helped a lot in the process. We would ask him, “Pa, do you remember this and that pain in the hospital from this time to that?” He’d say, “No, I don’t remember” and shrug. But it’s good, I guess. At least he didn’t dwell or fear the pain. It helped my dad live an almost normal life throughout his sickness.