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Percolating

COVID-19 and me

Malaysia has been on a partial lockdown since 18 March. Today is 16 April. Here are some of my thoughts and learnings:-

  • Life can be unpredictable. Did I imagine in February that Malaysia would have a stay-at-home order? Not at all. This is unheard of. I had been contemplating how for a few decades, life has remained quite the same with no real upheavals. This is a real about turn. A real 180 degree change.
  • In February, I was still at the same job with no newness to it. By mid-February, it felt like a new opportunity was birthing although admittedly, this came unexpectedly. In late February we were caught up with the perils of politics and a swift change in government and I had a new job.
  • In early March, I was trying to sort out logistics of changing jobs. Did I envision a work from home situation? No. Although I’ve always liked the prospect of working from home.
  • In terms of work planning, we were looking at things across the causeway like a far removed situation, a ‘that won’t happen to us’ situation but also being optimistic and thinking ‘this too shall pass’
  • By mid-March, like a falling axe, we were all told to work from home. The whole office, the whole country. It didn’t feel like an axe to me but I remember my last day in the office, while everyone was working from home, I had gone in and there were just a few of us there. We were sorting through things, finishing up what we could in the office. I also packed up. I packed about 85% of my things due to some advice. And I’m glad I did. If I do return to the office, it will seem like the apocalypse, I imagine. Things untouched for a few weeks. The city must be like Left Behind, devoid of life, the remnants of what was. Will things return to normal?
  • The rest of March and April was spent at home. I was on holiday for 3 weeks. Not that that meant much. I closed up my old job and started a new one. All while living through an apocalypse.
  • We say to stay at home is to save the vulnerable. I have to remind myself that staying at home means that we are not overwhelming the healthcare system. The Malaysian healthcare system has always taken the over-cautious approach. We don’t do too many clinical trials but only observe what has proven to work. It’s good. Our curve flattening is working out well.
  • Was it easy to survive the last 28 days? It’s a mindset moment. The first week, everyone was freaking out about having to stay-at- home. I like staying at home. There is no pressure to go out. I realise that I miss sitting at a cafe. I also noticed I can live with very little. In fact, all of us can live with very little. And this is a mindset moment.
  • God is good. In the first week of the stay-at-home order, I had to look into the Bible and figure out about Divine Providence and the sovereignty of God. He wills all of this for our good. Mariah Carey was part of a viral “He’s got the whole world in His hands” campaign that, looking back now, is truly uplifting and brings a lot of comfort.
  • I saw how important it is to have the right perspective and the right mindset. Sure, we can complain and keep focusing on the injustice and the negativity but can we change the current situation? No. We must adapt and look at it positively. It’s hard to help people who can’t get their head around it. I get it that some times they don’t mean to be this way. But how do we get them out of the rut? Maybe they feel lonely and abandoned. Maybe they have no purpose and nothing to look forward to. Which is why faith is important. There is something to look forward to.
  • Do I believe that God’s got my back? I do.
  • As a person averse to change, I would never have changed jobs amidst a global crisis. Yet things moved about and here I am. When my father was first diagnosed, I turned down a pretty good opportunity to be there. Do I look back and wonder? Yes but I also know God’s brought me this far not to forsake me.
  • I fear what I don’t know. And yet throughout this stay-at-home order, I feel safe and secure. Almost upbeat. Regardless of what is happening around me or to me. I have heard bad news. I’ve experienced bad news myself. But I feel cheerful inside.
  • I’m scared of disappointing. I’m scared because I know I am a limited being with a lot of weak spots. I worry what others see. And so through this job change amidst an apocalypse, I can only live day by day. Don’t look too far. Live in present.
  • I’m grateful that my God has my back and He’s taking care of everyone I love by keeping them at home and safe. And that means He’s taking care of you too.
  • He’s got the whole world in His hands. The world is healing. Rivers are turning blue, the skies are blue, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining bright and I believe this rest the world is experiencing is God’s way of resetting it in some way. When Noah was in his ark, it took God 40 days and 40 nights to reset the environment. I wonder if it will be the same for us.

Categories
Percolating

Percolating…

I have been thinking of starting / restarting a blog for the last few weeks.

I realised some times I have thoughts that seem very out of place in my world. Maybe they are too blatant, too direct or too judging. I don’t mean to come across that way and it’s maybe how I process things. Like I need a platform to discuss or more like ‘for people to hear me out.’

I have realised it doing in whatsapp groups or facebook walls may not be the best place even though you have a ready audience. Twitter is still OK ‘cos it’s short form.

I currently own 2 Twitter accounts. One of them I use for politics and nobody knows it’s me. I hope nobody knows it’s me! The other one I use to do more personal tweets. Separating my political thoughts from my @pigduck was a conscious decision because it just allows me to be more free to troll. Also it’s safer so people don’t connect dots. I get quite a lot of impressions on my political Twitter handle which can be exciting. I’m glad there are people out there who agree with my thoughts. Some of them want me to show myself but I like being anonymous for now.

I do hope that writing will help me structure my thoughts and help me express myself so I don’t offend people. And if people want to be offended by me they can come here and read it in a processed way instead of me saying it aloud and in their face without a filter.

At first I thought I wanted to percolate my thoughts on another domain anonymously. I still haven’t quite decided. The problem with doing it at pigduck.com is that there’s some form of ownership and exposure. Like people I know will link it to me and I am fearful I will not be very honest and I’ll write in endless roundabout riddles. If I wrote elsewhere, nobody would know it’s me and I can just do verbal diarrhea and that would be great. I could write openly about faith, politics and life without some stigma following or people in real life thinking something of me. Boxing me. Although I’m quite a square box as it is, I don’t like being typed.

Am I ashamed of my thoughts? Some times. Haha. Should I be apologetic for my thoughts? Probably not.

Percolating is a good word. I imagine something brewing, dripping slowly and being filtered. I wish that for what’s going on in my head.

When I first got this domain, pigduck.com in 2005, pigduck was hardly a common word but now there are so many pigducks in the world and these people are stealing my identity and signing up as pigduck on new platforms. OK fine, they are not stealing my identity since I don’t own ‘pigduck’ but I think I should find someway to trademark it.

I was thinking I should spend some time planning what I would like to write and not do a as-it-comes kind of thing. Writing does seem like a tedious act. You have to spend time sorting the thoughts and then typing it all out coherently. Would having a personal journal be helpful? Maybe but then there’s no audience. Haha Do I need an audience? Some times. I think when we write there will always be an audience.

Most people these days have become so advanced when it comes to blogging. I remember back in the day when people just wrote whatever they felt like but now you need to have it tagged and sorted or even have 1 blog for 1 topic. Not 5 topics in 1 blog like what I plan. I can imagine my categories will be varied. “Percolating, Dear Diary, Dear God, Music, Life, Faith, Politics, Reviews, etc”

Back in the day, I also remember how I wanted to do vlogging. Nowadays the equipment is so affordably accessible and people make such professional videos. Although recently, I was thinking of doing a podcast but I’m unsure what topic I feel I can talk endlessly about. So it’s best just to let me say my piece here. For now. Till I find my voice. Till I’m brave enough to say it aloud.